I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
