Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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