i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
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