omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
time to smoke my breakfast
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
