Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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