Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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