Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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