Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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