i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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