The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
