so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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