a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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