I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
