I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
