I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Your penis caused this!
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
