1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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