Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
