East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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