somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
