I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
