I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
