they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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