I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
