his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
This is my gift to your gina
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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