You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
