Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
did i just pee glitter
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
