You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
