What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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