Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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