Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
