You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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