i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
It's official drugs can't kill me
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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