Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize