Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
