no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
