Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
