She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
