my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
