Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
