This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
