On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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