I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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