She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
She's just so happy...and so naked.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize