I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
