tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
