I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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