im having a threesome with these popsicles
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
