Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
