dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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