So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
