i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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