HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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