All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
