I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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