how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
