Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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