Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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