My sheets look like a crime scene.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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