I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
