i think i have herpe
just one?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
