I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
