In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
