She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
