I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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