i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize