You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Randomize
