yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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