I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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