it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
operation harelip BJ is a go
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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