I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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