I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
People in love make me want to vomit
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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