something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
