I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
