Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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