dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize