Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
