He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
