TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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