I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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