I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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