Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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