Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
