Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
