Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
